When Empty Nesting Couples Ask Each Other "Who Are You?”

Here we are almost at the end of September.

​The fresh fall scent in the air, warm days and crisp cool evenings. Perhaps you are enjoying sitting by an evening fire. Are you the type that enjoys watching the fall line up on TV? Are you finding your house a little on the quiet side? The kitchen does not have endless dishes. The fridge has finally been able to cool properly without the ever ending opening and closing. Your gas gage on the car has maintained a lovely setting of almost full all week long!

Are you in the first phase of the blush of empty nesting?

A few short weeks ago you may have made the trek to transfer your beloved darling child to their greatest adventure of all time. Which may be studying at a university or college located in another city, province or heavens…country. 

Or are you an old hand at dropping off the new academic to start their wildest dreams.

This might not be your first rodeo at the #student #study #party #needtokeepfocused. 

It however may be your first rodeo of #theygraduated #theyhaveajob #theyhavemovedout #nowwhat!

That first while is like being on a honeymoon. Remember back when? Just the two of you sitting in the evening and have deep meaningful conversations. Holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.

Well, I sure hope this is what it is like for you!

In my experience our empty nesting was different. 

Yes, I was totally jazzed to finally get the dark grey walls of my sons’ room painted something airy and cheerful. I was looking forward to the zen meditation room I could create in my daughters room.  

What I had not anticipated was the no buffer of children. 

For a couple of decades the conversations my husband and I had may have started out deep and meaningful but quickly descended into something around one of the children.

It was a constant distraction and over time we lost the ability to really connect.

And there we were sitting next to each other looking at the other person and wondering “who are you?” 

And then the even more curious and perhaps even scarier question “who am I?”

Wow! Both those questions kinda knocked me on my butt!

I was so wrapped up in the excitement of the kids growing up, their new adventures in studying, the great new jobs, the new partners in their lives

I had forgotten about my own dreams. I had lost my identity along the way. I was more than a mom, wife, chauffeur, shoulder to cry on when life seemed unfair.

I was a woman who had dreams, bursting with creative ideas, opinions (just ask my husband he will agree on that one). I needed to reacquaint myself with, well myself!

That was when I began my journey, a transition of “who I thought I was” to “who I truly am”. 

Yes, some may say it is spiritual which I agree.  My thoughts on spirituality is about discovering self love, self acceptance, self awareness while connecting to the oneness of the universe.

I was able to accept that I could put myself first and that did not mean I did not love my family. It meant that I would get more energy and be able to more present and show up as my authentic self.

This was an opportunity for an ending to something, while I transition into another phase of my life.

It was exciting and scary at the same time. Would I change so much my relationship to my husband would suffer? It was difficult I will not kid you on that but it was not about failure or success it was accepting each other as we were. We had grown so much and our view on life had taken on deeper values. We still had our sense of humour. We could still trigger each other but most importantly we respected each other for the people we had become. 

I love learning all the different aspects of myself.

My children oscillated between GO MOM and WHERE DID MOM GO?

I was ready to explore who this grown up woman was and to really understand my early beginnings.

The life experiences that shaped my views and outlook on life. I was excited to learn that I had a blueprint for my life.

That all the components of myself were placed strategically to optimize my growth experience.

Now that was exciting!

I was able to see how different patterns would help me in my relationship to my self and relationships to others. It is an ongoing journey with no particular destination in mind, but man I love the scenery along the way! Even when it feels like there are boulders on the path. I know I have the ability to choose the ease to walk around the boulders, or the more difficult to climb over them.

Yes, my relationships have changed, some have deepened, some have fallen away.

My husband and I have experienced some difficult challenges during our transition time of empty nesting. Having the knowledge of our patterns and who we truly are helped rediscover our relationship. We maintained our sense of humour, we connected with each other in a new way and we started to embrace and enjoy our children as adults (although they will always be my kiddos first). 

Transition from a full house to empty nesters can be sometimes exciting. It is the transition from I knew “who I thought I was “ to “who I truly am” that is exhilarating.

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I am happy to help!

I can’t help you choose what to make over your child’s room into.
I can help you discover the answer to your question of “who am I?”

Let's Connect

Until next time,
Barbara

Your Guide Through Life Transitions